For instance, I’ve been drinking spring water nearly exclusively for a year now. This water comes from deep in the earth, and is unprocessed. We gather it weekly, and it contains vitality like no other water I’ve ever experienced.

As the winter nears its end, I’m getting outside more, and am starting to get a jonesing to have a fire in our firepit. If experiencing Fire can also have chi — and there is no doubt that Fire has Awen of its own — then paying attention to where the fire comes from should also affect the Awen of the fire.

Next step, of course, is obvious:

So if starting a fire without using fossil fuels affects the Awen of the fire, then how does it affect food cooked over the fire? I’m thinking some experimentation in this regard is in order.

Basically, I view “detox” as almost more metaphysical than physical, although toxicity definitely manifests in the physical realm.

In reading a book called “Raw Emotions,” the extraordinary claim is made that one cannot simultaneously process heavy emotions, AND digest a full stomachload of cooked or processed food. The argument is that it takes so much energy for the body to deal with something like a steak dinner, to convert it to liquid so that the body can absorb some nutrients, that there is nothing left to deal with any wayward emotions we might be feeling.

Therefore, some of us get into the habit of stuffing our faces to avoid dealing with emotional issues we might be experiencing. Those of us who get caught up in this habit binge eat to numb ourselves out. I encourage you to sit with this concept for a bit, particularly if you yourself have a history of emotional eating. Even if you don’t have such a history, sitting with this issue will give you more understanding of JWL and his behavior patterns than almost anything else.

So dig deeper: what happens when we store fat? This is energy being converted from one form to another; the body takes excess available energy (when we eat more than we burn) and converts it into stored fat, where it remains potential energy, waiting to be used by the body. But during this process, another form of energy conversion entrains with this process: the emotional energy we are reluctant to deal with in the moment is also stored in the fat cells.

In addition, any fat-soluble toxins in the body are also stored in the fat cells. These toxins are countless, from plastics in our environment, to medications or other chemicals we are ingesting, to growth hormones in our food, to fluoride or chlorine in our water, etc etc.

So if we view weight loss as a detox process, which I very much do, it follows that the different entrained energy patterns that “went in” to fat storage together will also release together. So as the weight reduces and the fat is released, so are the old toxins, so are the old emotions.

I’ve been absorbing these toxins for more than 35 years, including countless gallons of asthma inhalers (and the propellants necessary to breathe them in). Now that I am in a profound cleansing process, I have no doubt that the asthma I experience now is also a detox process.

For 35 years, at the first sign of an asthma attack I have squelched it immediately with a blast of the inhaler. Now that it is clear that an asthma episode is a detox problem, the question arises: why would I want to toxify my detox process?

Better than the inhaler blast is to get up, breathe deeply, and build my lung strength and endurance. Relaxation. Perhaps some herbs. Deal with my healing and detox in a way that promotes healing and detox, so that I can move through it sooner.

The theory here is rock-solid in my mind. The practice, on the other hand, is a challenge because I no longer have the immediate relief the inhaler provides. I am resorting to other coping strategies with mixed results.

I keep thinking that the longer I can endure the asthma without the inhaler, the more quickly I’ll move through my detox and healing process. It’s difficult to remember this while experiencing breathing difficulties.

I was chatting with a friend the other day, and she emphasized that the sooner I can change the way I think about this issue, the sooner I will heal. I agree with this, and am presently searching for new words and new concepts to make habit.

I am making some very fundamental changes. I have not had my asthma inhaler for 4 days now, since I began this program. I have only used the homeopathic asthma medication a handful of times in 4 days. Wow. Wow.

In all the things you see about people healing themselves, they all mention a key component: you have to believe you can heal yourself. Without this, you don’t have a chance.

Incidentally, this is also the precise sticking point for skeptics. For the skeptic, one’s BS (Belief System) shouldn’t matter; either you are cured or you aren’t. Perhaps this is a matter of semantics between “cure” and “heal”? A disease can be cured. But a person can be healed.

For the first time, I believe that I can heal myself. I haven’t skipped an inhaler hit or ten for 4 days in… well, ever.

I’ve been slowly detoxing my body over the past 2 or 3 years. I have a long way to go. I weighed myself this morning, and was alarmed to see 344.2 pounds. This means I have now put on 40 pounds in about a year and a half, after having lost 110 pounds from my highest known weight.

But the magic that began on the summer solstice is now gaining momentum. I am firmly established in this regimen of self-healing. Already, my asthma is doing quite well, better than ever. But it’s still here sometimes. I don’t think it will fully heal until I fully detox, which is many dozens of pounds of weight loss from now.

The interesting thing is: despite the alarming number on the scale this morning, my focus is not on weight. I don’t have a target weight, because for the first time I feel this is a permanent lifestyle shift for me. All my “intellectual knowledge” about the necessity of a raw food detox has shifted into my soul. I no longer crave these old, addictive foods. They feel like poison to me now. I don’t know how long this will last, but this is how I’m feeling now.

In the 3 months since my year-and-a-day dedication started, it’s been slow turning. However, getting something moving is always the hardest part. Now there is momentum. This momentum brings with it awen.

I’ve started working through an extraordinary book called “Raw Emotions.” It’s very interesting, noting the difference between the effects of its program (raw foods), and the goal of the Druid, which is to live in more overt attentiveness toward our relationship with everything around us. I’ll have more detailed writing about this soon.

As an example, there was a few days ago a fatal car accident less than 100 yards from my home, less than 50 yards from the edge of my property. A teenage boy was killed, and several other people were seriously injured. Obviously, this type of event can seriously disrupt the energy flow of this space.

Adding to this, there has been a steady stream of mourners to the crash site, leaving offerings. I went there tonight, there are 4 or 5 large crosses, lots of photographs, several dozen burning candles, and various other mementos. Clearly, this kid was well-loved and will be missed by his community.

However, as a Druid, or more broadly as one who is sensitive to the energy flow of my environment, I felt a need to rebalance the energies of the space. The suddenness with which this young life was snuffed out is palpable, and I was having some difficulty with that energetic disruption.

Tonight, I went and smudged the intersection where the accident took place, and left an offering of burning sage at the site, with all the other offerings there. I also hearkened back to my days as a Wiccan, and cast a protective circle around the intersection. It felt like the right thing to do.

In the same way, we must be good stewards of our Selves. I must be aware of the energy flows within myself, of what energy patterns I am taking in, and what energy patterns I am spreading out into my environment.

This is related to the self-initiation in the previous post. I am feeling called to take on a year-and-a-day self-initiation. The specifics of this are still brewing, and will be for another week or so until the summer solistice. But the focus of my work this year will be on increasing my level of power.

Power is a scary term, but when viewed through a Starhawkian (is this a word? It is now…) lens, I am speaking purely of power-from-within. I have little interest in power-over, particularly over other sentient beings (being a parent notwithstanding).

The purpose of this self-initiation is to cultivate my own personal power-from-within. This will certainly manifest in mind, body, and spirit. Each day I want to do something to increase my own personal power. This much I know. The specifics of what this looks like will likely be fluid from day to day.

Awen is the reward of this sort of work. On that note, the crash the other day inspired an idea for a novel that I am very excited about. I’ve been keeping careful notes about this. I’ve been wanting to write more for a long time, and the prospect of writing a novel like this actually sounds fun, whereas writing the other nonfiction/philosophical book I have in my head sounds suspiciously like work just now. Time will tell….

Moon and Venus, by Ted Judah, 22 Apr 2009

That’s Venus behind the moon, itself a tiny crescent.

As a longtime pagan, the new moon (and the moon cycles in general) has good resonance with my soul. It for me is a time of new beginnings. A good time to launch a new project, or indulge in novelty of any kind. It’s also a good time to re-evaluate my energy flow, where my energies are going, particularly in relationship to everything around me.

My years as a pagan have taught me to try to govern myself with honor and health. But recently, Druidry has taught me that this is only the beginning; I must also govern my relationship with everything around me with honor and health. This is my challenge as of late.

For a variety of reasons, I have been focusing un releasing attachment to particular outcomes. This is a hard lesson for a magical soul: if you visualize your desired outcome (ie, focus your will, using a more magickal lingo), then that outcome is largely yours. It exists in your mind.

This is not in good relationship with other energies around me. When I think in this way, it does not take into account what these other energies want or need for their honor and health.

Better than seeking to impose my will upon my environment is to have my will be one voice in the choir of tribe consciousness.

Consensus and persuasion always trump force and power-over. Look at how these experiences feel…. when consensus is reached in a group, there is a palpable energy flow: Awen is the reward of consensus. The same is true of persuasion or understanding of any kind, those “a-ha” light bulb moments are accompanied by a rush of Awen.

On the other hand, scenes of violence, domination, and power-over feel quite differently in the moment of their occurrence, at best they are uncomfortable, and at worst they are excruciatingly painful or deadly.

What can we learn from the moon cycles? There are many lessons. Things look differently from different points of view. What goes around, comes around. It’s easier to see with light than without.

As Druids, we try to focus on our natural environment. Most people see this most of the time as attuning-with the Earth. But our environment is much larger than the Earth.

I wonder what the ancient Druids knew of astronomy?

Then there’s the tree thing. Since discovering and starting my journey in paganism back in college, I’ve had a great connection to trees. I take that back – I’ve loved trees from childhood – some of my happiest moments were up in the branches of our backyard trees. Now, my spirituality opens my senses in ways that I only began to understand as a child – I’m really only beginning to understand now after almost 20 years as a pagan. I hear the whisper of the wind in the branches and I feel the song of life force emmanting from trees of every sort. I feel the pain of broken branches, the joy of new life hatching among branches in spring, the steady, strong growth of summer, the bitter sweet sadness of the coming autumn, and the quiet waiting of winter’s dark time. Let’s just say I love trees.

Of course, now that I’m finally following the newest bend in the path of my spiritual journey, I find that there is much truth for me in Druidry. Thus far I’ve been most exposed to the Rival Druidry path rather than the Reconstructionist path. I have so much more to read and discover and I thank the gods and goddesses every day for my grove and their place in my life – their companionship on this crooked journey I find myself traveling – it’s good to know that I’m not alone. I choose a path less traveled, but there are fellow travelers around me to share with on my way.